I initially wasn't going to write anything in regards to summer. I hate this season. June has come and gone but July is where the heatwave truly strikes. This is not my season. I burn very easily (which never produces a tan, EVER). It becomes increasingly uncomfortable to get a decent nights sleep. Everything is sweaty. Tourists are abundant (and tourists are assholes). And children are out of school. This season is my worst nightmare.
The only thing that's keeping me together is air conditioning, coffee, bacon and above all else--horror flicks. I've assembled some of my favorite summer-time horror films for the month of July that'll get you through the rest of this sweaty month.
I'm not going to lie to you--Fourth of July isn't my favorite holiday. I know that every patriotic, flag-toting American is frowning on me right now, but lemme explain. Its' still hot. And people blow off fireworks way past Fourth of July. Plus, my dog is terrified.
I'm not one for giving a shit about film critics or what the audience has to say--in the end, I form my own opinion. But for the sake of curiosity, let's take a peek at what both parties had to say about these films. Sit back, relax, pour yourself a fresh cup of coffee and let's party.
When I was growing up, I was sent to camp every summer which was a relief because I wasn't being forced to go on boring trips to Costco with my babysitter. At the camp I went to, we were forced to learn the La Macarena. And if you don't know what that is (because you're practically a newborn) feast your eyes and damage your ears...
I know. Hours upon hours of this horrible song mixed with this dance move. Couldn't they have taught me how to make a fire or some other survival skill? To this day, I can't even pitch a tent correctly. But, here I am with the skill of dancing the macarena and the ability to cook a damn good s'more. The Summer Camp System totally failed me...
When I first saw this film, I was screaming. Why the hell couldn't I have spent my summer at Camp Arawak?! I felt robbed. Although--death by bees while taking a dump would be a horrifying way to go...
"Eat Shit and Live!"
Rated 80% by Critics
Rated 60% by Audience
I completely disagree with the audience on this. 60%? Really? Come on...
Kids are being slain left and right on the grounds of Camp Arawak. These mysterious deaths are putting counselors on high alert. I've always thought this film was a classic in its own right. Everything from the dialogue to the soundtrack. But above all else--the ending ties the entire film together seamlessly.
Forever channeling Judy...
The Final Girls-(2015)
What a better way to spend your summer trapped inside a horror movie? When I first saw this film, I grinned so hard when they made 'subtle' references to Friday the 13th. Camp Blue Finch? Camp Crystal Lake. Billy? Jason--also--the same number of letters are in Billy as they are in Jason. Creating their own fate in the film, the group follow the storyline of Camp Bloodbath. The characters in this film grow on you and you're constantly wondering who will make it out alive.
When the scenes repeat themselves with no real end in sight, the terror sets in for these characters. The movie won't let them escape and they just have to run the clock. This kinda gives me 'Happy Death Day' vibes...
Rated 70% by Critics
Rated 70% by Audience
Wow! The Audience and the Critics finally agree on something! And I completely agree with the overall rating that this film received. This movie like all other slasher films follows a very specific rule which pays homage to the film Scream.
"Everyone who has sex in this movie dies..."
In order to survive a horror movie, you gotta play by the rules. And if you don't it could cost you...
Nothing 'screams' summer vacation than road-tripping with your girlfriends to some undiscovered cave. At one point in my life (before I saw this film) I thought spelunking was pretty cool. Exploring undiscovered caves seemed very alluring. Directed by Neil Marshall, the Descent explores the unknown and taps into your undiscovered fears. This film is the epitome of sight versus sound and not to mention--it makes you want to stay away from dark places for a while.
The further they explore this cave, the women realize ancient drawings scrawled on the walls. They are caught off guard by underground predators who love the taste of human flesh. When I first captured a glimpse of what these 'cave-dwellers' looked like, my first thought was-- "Ah, kind of looks like my psychopathic-meth head-fuck-wit-neighbor". Battling hungry human-eating creatures is ten times scarier when you're forced to navigate through a dark and uncertain cave. This film is a perfect blend of terror and claustrophobia. Its hunt or be hunted...
Rated 85% by Critics
Rated 75% by Audience
Critics Consensus: "Deft direction and strong performances from its all-female cast guide The Descent, a riveting, claustrophobic horror film."
I'm not going to lie to you--those percentages are shocking. For once, the critics actually have it right. Not really sure why the audience marked this film with a C. I'd rank this film with an 85%.
Bloody Disgusting ranked this number three on their list of 'Top 20 Horror Films of the Decade.' In their article, they state that; "One of the scariest films of this or any decade... Ultimately, The Descent is the purest kind of horror film – ruthless, unforgiving, showing no mercy."
I Know What You Did Last Summer - (1997)
I'm a huge fan of the 90's and this film brings me back to that moment in time SO hard. In my humble opinion, the 90's brought their A-game when it came to slashers which is tough considering that the 80's dominated the slasher atmosphere!
Years later after running over a fisherman and dumping his body in the water, a group of friends gets a rude awakening after receiving a letter involving the crime they committed. What's worse than your past coming back to haunt you? I can think of a lot of things but I'd be pretty terrified if some of my skeletons started crawling their way back to me.
Rated 35% by Critics
Rated 40% by Audience
I DISAGREE WITH THESE RATINGS IMMENSELY.
Really?! REALLY?! A 35%? Don't think I'm just focusing on the critics here. I'm appalled at the audience rating of 40%. When I captured a glimpse of these ratings, my jaw hit the floor. I would have given this film at least a 65% at best! Am I alone in this or am I just overreacting?
Whether you agree with these film critics or not, I want to hear your opinion on these slashers. Do you love them? Do you hate them? Which one are you going to watch this month? Or will you be like me and just do an entire marathon while you're sprawled out in front of your fan wishing for the sweet release of death?
I'm still enraged. I'm very tempted to watch I Know What You Did Last Summer and write an entire post explaining WHY this movie shouldn't have received such a crummy rating.
If you're looking to sit by the pool and enjoy a book or two, you can join my Book Club the Dead and Well-Read Society! Here's the thing--I'm always accepting members but this is usually around the time when people want to stay inside, enjoy the AC and fill their brains with substance. We vote at the end of the month for a book that we'd like to read and then we engage in discussions. I realize that EVERYONE has a life and can't finish a 600-page book within one month. Relax. I get you. Everyone reads at their OWN pace. It's pretty damn chill. Join through the link below!
If you're interested, we're reading the Shining this month! Click on the link above to join through GoodReads! IF you're having any issues on finding the group, send me an email letting me know you're interested so I can invite you: firstname.lastname@example.org